Ce n'est pas un apology.

I might start writing more. I've been distracted by nothing in particular, just lazily pondering fanatic behavior. What I thought would be a temporary interest in NASCAR still persists. Thankfully, I've learned all that Google and the Speed channel have to offer about Denny Hamlin. To save you the labor, I've come up with this useful synopsis:

1. His full name is James Dennis Alan Hamlin, Jr. I think J.D.A. Hamlin is a perfectly handsome name, but it doesn't invoke memories of cherry pie and free refills.
2. He has a one-eyed spotter. This is neither perverse nor an endangered species.
3. This is his biggest fan. She could beat me up, and I'm okay with this.
4. He's been set on fire by Tony Stewart. I'm not sure how to work this into fan fiction, but...
5. 19 stitches, no pills, 2nd place finish. Well-played.
6. He sneaks glances at Wendy Venturini's "boobies" when he thinks she isn't paying attention.
7. Amateur critics (i.e., teenagers on Yahoo! Answers) are quick to express a certain dislike for his face and/or his voice. Personally, I'm not a huge fan of Andrew Johnson's face. Ah, well.
8. His rear-tire changer's son is really good at flag football.
9. "Hamlin is sort of a Southern version of Napoleon Dynamite, sans the ultra-curly hair and goofy 1980s glasses." - ESPN
10. In relation to #4, he referred to Tony Stewart as a "chicken". I can't even contemplate calling the woman I buy yarn from a chicken, let alone someone who sets people on fire. Mmmm....chicken.

Bonus: Jesus.

There. Now, I think I can finally learn how to properly prepare salt cod. Or play guitar. Or ask for a doctor in Korean.