Ultimatum.

Here's the deal:

If I don't hear back from one of the 9 jobs I've applied for by this Friday, I'm going to apply to become a farm apprentice.

If I don't hear back by NEXT Friday, I'm going to accept any farm apprentice jobs offered to me.



It feels like running away to join the circus, but that's exactly what I need.

I want to make goat cheese. Learn to build a boat. Drink a bottle of my own wine. Learn about heirloom produce.

Plus, I want some solid biceps for my Richard-Petty-as-pirate tattoo. It'll look amazing during my Jeopardy! appearance.

Otherwise, I'm going to have to make a list of television programs featuring an episode that includes the acquisition of U2 tickets.



You've been put on notice.